Forgiveness

Matthew 18:21- 22  
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

It's funny. I've read about forgiveness, listened to sermons on the topic, studied books about it, and had discussions about what true forgiveness is. But I still struggle. I struggle with being able to forgive. I struggle with being willing to forgive. I struggle with asking for forgiveness from others. Even over little things I sometimes find it hard to forgive and move on. I remember once listening to a lecture where the speaker said we have to teach our children the art of true forgiveness because they do not understand what it means. They say the words because they are told to, but their is no meaning behind "I'm sorry" or "I forgive". So I try to teach to my children how to forgive but the reality is I believe they actually teach me much more about it than I teach them.  I think the truth is until children reach a certain age (maybe teens, though it seems different for each child) they actually understand and practice it much better than any adult I know. Forgiveness is not always found in their words, it's found in their actions.

I watch my youngest ones as they get into their squabbles  and I am constantly amazed out how moments after a huge blow-up they can be cuddled on the couch reading to one another as if nothing happened. I watch all five of my children as they argue over who is to sit where in a car screaming and yelling as if it is a life changing moment and just seconds later they are all making up stories together. My boys will get into knock down drag out fights that not only are physical but words and names fly through the air without hesitation, only to find them suddenly creating a world series game in our back yard with the two of them playing all positions not long after.

Now I'm not saying their version of forgiveness is perfect. Some days it takes a little longer to get past the hurt. Sometimes the words are never spoken. Sometimes the words are spoken with such lack of feeling and tones of anger I wonder if this is the moment when they won't truly forgive. But what I have noticed is even in those moments the forgiveness is real and pure. They do not hold grudges, or recount how many times they have hurt each other in the past, they don't continue to bring the fight back up to prove they won or the how the other was in the wrong. When the fight is over, it's over.

I realize as adults sometimes our battle scars run deep, many of them are built up over time and that is what makes forgiving so difficult. But I also realize that in our day to day lives when arguments happen, when injustices are felt, when fall-outs occur we often say the words to one another and often with great feeling and emotion but do our actions continue to show the forgiveness we say we have offered? Sometimes it might do us good to look at how our  children behave and emulate them.When a fight is over, let it be over.