The family dinner is something I grew up with, seven people squished around the kitchen table, sharing food, stories from the day, children sharing report cards, asking for advice, discussing plans for the week, and enjoying each other's company, glad to be together for another meal. OK so it didn't really look like that all the time. We had the days where siblings were fighting, arguing over who gets to sit where, sarcastic comments being thrown here and there, and in some cases people leaving the table in tears (sometimes they weren't even family members). It could some days be described as chaos. As we grew older family dinner became a kind of testing ground for those who wished to court a member of our family. It was often said that if someone could survive a dinner with our family they were a keeper. (Roy survived more than one.) But there were good moments, those are the ones that have survived in my heart and have driven me to make family dinner a priority in our home. It's not easy though.
It starts with the planning. Now I will say I take a slightly different approach to the meal planning than others. I do not focus my meals on the kids' taste. For one reason, with five different opinions it would be virtually impossible for me to plan a meal every evening that would appeal to everyone. Unless of course I want to be a short order cook, and I don't. The second reason is that this is a way I can pamper my husband after a long day at work. So I plan meals that he and I can enjoy. If the kids like it great. If not they can eat their required portion (which is really just a couple of bites) and be done. (Now if you think this is cruel please know that my kids are fed well all day, if they don't eat a big dinner they'll be fine.) Back to the planning, though it may sound easy since I really only cater to my husband it still takes effort to come up with different meals for every day and be sure they will be meals that can be fixed during whatever craziness we have going on that day.
Once planned comes the preparation, which rarely goes as smoothly as I have in my head. Many of you who have children are aware of the 4PM - dinner insanity block. You know the time period when no matter how good your day has been everything seems to fall apart from schedules to kid's emotional stability, that period of time that your husband never sees and can't seem to understand why you are so on edge when he walks in, because he talked to you just an hour before when you were all sweet and happy. This is of course when I'm trying to cook dinner or if I've prepped well enough (which rarely happens) I'm putting the finishing touches on the meal. So let's just say it's challenging to get the meal to the table. But most nights I do it and in a timely manner. So when my husband arrives home from work we are ready to sit down enjoy the food and share our days.
Now here's how the dinners usually go. First we tried saying prayers, serving food, which lead to me cutting up food for people, request for sauces, etc. and by the time I sat down everyone was done. So we switched things up a bit, now we serve the food, everyone gets their own sauce (this really just means ranch or ketchup) and cut up whatever is necessary before we sit down to pray. Though my 11yr old still manages to clean his plate before I've even picked up my fork I am no longer eating alone. Though what this has also led to is the realization that my kids have some bad table habits: slurping, slouching, thumb sucking, tearing apart their food into miniscule pieces and then eating them one by one, and the list could go on. So I am having to practice a good deal of patience at the table to try and correct some of these behaviors while not losing my appetite (easier said than done).
But you might be thinking the conversation is well worth all the effort. And guess what, it is! Even though there are times when kids are arguing, the discussion heads in a less than all age level appropriate direction (like "So where do babies come from any way?"), or we find that the kids are stuck in a one word answer rut, most evenings are good. Most evenings are filled with laughter, stories from the day, discussions of the weeks plans and a family enjoying their time together just like I always pictured it.
One thing I do need to work on though is making family dinner a priority even when my husband isn't home. For years I have been in the habit of making those evenings a time when I was willing to be a "short order cook" or just warming up leftovers on the evenings when Roy played ball or was off at cards. I would fix the kids their requests and while they were all eating I would clean-up the kitchen, check e-mail or any number of little tasks and then clean-up from their meal, eating here and there as I found time. What I've realized is that some weeks every night is like that and much of their interesting stories or little details of the day were being missed. It never would have occurred to me to take this type of approach if one of the kids was gone for the evening, so why if Roy was gone did I find it ok. I suppose it started when the kids were small and family dinner without Roy was pretty much the same as breakfast or lunch. And since I had been with the kids all day I didn't really think there was much point in sitting down with them yet again. Plus it was just easier. Unfortunately I never quite got out of that phase. Last week though that changed. I made chocolate chip pancakes and bacon (a typical meal when Roy's gone) only this time instead of calling each child up as their plate was ready I did what we do every other night. I made all the food, had the kids set the table and fix drinks, and I sat down with them. Just me and the kids and it was great. It was enjoyable to listen to their tales from the day, to ask them questions, and to just interact with them outside of doing homework and chores. And though it would have been easier the other way I know it was worth the extra effort. This will be something I continue in the future.
