Athletically Challenged

Since the day I was born I have been athletically challenged. I can't throw a ball, definitely can't catch one, I can't shoot a basket, I can barely jump rope, and have been known to trip over the base lines. I survived gym class in middle school and high school but not by much. I was never disappointed to be picked last for a team because I secretly hoped the teacher would decide uneven teams wouldn't work and ask me just to keep score. (That never happened)

After freshman gym was over I breathed a huge sigh of relief because I would never be faced with having to play a sport again. Or so I thought. A few years later I met the man of my dreams and wouldn't you know it he was an athlete. And not just the kind that played a little basketball, or recreational softball. No this guy was the star quarterback of his high school team, an avid baseball player, and pretty much could master any sport he decided to try. Of course being young and in love I wanted desperately to enjoy the things he did. I tried a softball team once but then team asked if I would be willing to miss the next few games (I happily complied). I thought maybe golf could be my thing, but the one time Roy and I went out after the second hole he gave me a club and said "Let me know when you make it to a green and I'll bring you a putter." Luckily Roy fell in love with me anyway and was pleased to have me as his cheering section instead of a teammate. So for years we  happily went along.

Then came the kids. It didn't occur to me until the oldest were about 6 that I maybe forced to face my lack of athletic ability once again. I knew it was beginning to be an issue when they would ask me to throw the ball with them or toss a few pitches and they would critique my form or make comments like "Mom that pitch wasn't anywhere near me." I was embarrassed. Here I was at 30+ and I couldn't even pitch a ball to my kids. I didn't want them to see my weakness and my inability so I quickly learned to avoid participating in practice and play with them by needing to fix dinner, being in the middle of cleaning up something or having laundry to do (that's when you knew I was desperate as I generally avoid laundry as much as possible). And for a good many years it worked. the kids would either practice/play with each other or wait for Roy to get home. I would watch from the window and most of the time mindlessly eating as I watched my family enjoy life together. I quickly became out of shape, overweight, and to the point where even if I decided to participate I would have had to sit down after just a few minutes.

A few years ago I started strength training and running. Even though I began to succeed in those areas I still didn't invite my children/husband to be involved with me. I struggled with not wanting to be seen as weak by my family when I couldn't do a push-up or when I was already struggling at the 2 mile mark. I would participate in races with friends or by myself, I would strength train with groups but I would actively avoid having my family there because I wanted them to see me as strong and successful and I knew that I wasn't physically. Recently though I've begun to see how this method has left me disconnected with a major part of our family life. Our children love to play family games of kickball or baseball, to shoot baskets together, take bike rides, go hiking, basically anything as long as they are doing it with each other but my fear of failure has kept me from being apart of all of that and it's completely contradicting when I tell my children "It doesn't matter if you're good at it, it only matters if you try hard and have fun." For too long I watched from the sidelines. And so over the last year I have tried to remedy this. I began by asking my husband to join me in strength training, I participated in a family baseball game the other night, and my older kids and I have started signing up for 5K's together, we're going hiking, and having fun. I may still struggle, I will probably never be picked first for a team, I will always be the one who trips over the baseline, but at least I will be out there. And I realize now that this shows my children I am strong and I am successful. Because even though I don't finish first, or hit a home run, or make the winning basket - I participate, I reach the goals I set, and I always finish. And guess what my kids and husband love it!

So if you're watching from the window or sitting on the sidelines, get in the game!