The one thing I always dreaded even before my first child was born was potty training. After years of working in nurseries, babysitting, and having younger siblings, cousins and nieces I knew that potty training was one of a parent's least favorite activities. And so when I was preparing for this event with my first child I wanted to get it right from the start. I wanted to be encouraging, positive, and efficient. Helping my daughter to accomplish this milestone as quickly and painlessly as possible. And so I read books, looked through various internet sites that offered advice, and discussed it with our pediatrician. (I probably should have consulted with my mother,she did manage to have 5 kids successfully potty-trained, but I wanted to be more modern.) And so after research was done,and my daughter indicated an interest with all the correct signs of readiness, we plunged into the realm of potty training.
Unfortunately it was not the quick, clean, success I had envisioned. What I didn't account for in all my research and consultations was the great variable PERSONALITY. My daughter and I suffer from a bull-headed stubborn personality syndrome causing potty training to be more of a battle of wills than a simple milestone to accomplish in the toddler years. We battled daily, washed a lot of clothes, cleaned up a lot of puddles, had a lot of crying (on both ends) but eventually she learned how to use the bathroom.
Now one would think that after a laborious and not so successful venture I would examine my methods before attempting this task again and yet with my second child I dove in with the same determination and list of tactics. Because of course I figured it was my daughters willful determination to control things that made the first venture a disaster, not a lack of proper plan. And though my second child was more agreeable the process was not any faster, easier, or was there less laundry. In fact since my daughter was still in the midst of things when my son started the whole thing was overwhelming.
Finally when both were potty trained I took a deep breath and relaxed. But only for a moment because my third child was moving into this territory that I now dreaded with every fiber of my being. This time, however, I decided to take a new approach. I pretty much did nothing. I did start when he was about 18 months old talking about the toilet and what it was for, setting him on it occasionally while preparing for a bath or getting dressed, but other than that I really didn't even suggest he needed to be potty trained. Then one day we went shopping he came across some Scooby-Doo underwear that he wanted and I agreed only if he could keep it dry. And guess what he did! By this time he was about 2 1/2 years old and once he put that underwear on he never looked back.
And so with my 4th I decided to attempt the same method as with the 3rd. Amazingly enough it worked again. I waited until she was almost 3 yrs making only a few suggestions and trying underwear occasionally, then a week before she turned 3 I handed her some underwear and said it's time to be a big girl. And she did great!
So now that I figure I know what I'm doing I actually looked forward to tackling the process with my 5th. Being done with diapers and having the freedom of walking out of the house without having to pack a diaper bag or wonder if I brought enough diapers for our trip. And so the process began after he turned 2 I began discussing the bathroom, experimenting with having him spend short moments on the toilet, letting him wear underwear occasionally and a couple of months before he turned 3 I let him pick out some underwear at the store, handed them to him and said it's time to be a big boy. And Voila! he was potty-trained. Or so I thought.
Again what I failed to factor in was PERSONALITY. Unfortunately for me, he also suffers from the same bull-headed, stubborn personality syndrome that my eldest daughter and I have. So after a few weeks of successful bathroom trips he one day decided that it wasn't working for him. He began wetting his pants every time, fighting me each time I asked/suggested/told him to go to the bathroom and finally after 3 months I gave up and put him back in diapers. I then began to use different tools and techniques I had heard discussed. Rewards, stickers, praise etc. It soon became clear that it wasn't a lack of skill or know how it was simply a refusal to do what he was being asked. And so I took the reward/ discipline approach. If he kept his underwear dry he was rewarded if he did not he lost a privilege. And yet again another plan failed.
This week I decided to try a whole new approach. I told him that if he wanted to continue to wear diapers that would be fine, but he had to change them himself. So on Monday morning when it was time to get dressed I handed him a diaper and said go to it. After about 45 min he came out with his diaper, crooked but on. And we went through the same process every time a change was needed that day. On Tuesday we repeated this sequence. My hope was that he would get so tired of trying to put on his own diaper (I don't know if you've ever watched somebody try to diaper themselves, but it's not easy) he would eventually figure out that underwear was easier and more convenient. So after two days of this, on Wednesday morning as we were getting ready I asked him if he had told his dad what he was doing with his diapers. He looked at his dad and said "I can put on my own diaper, isn't that cool Dad?" My heart sank. He wasn't supposed to think it was cool. And so I said "I think Daddy would think it was cool if you wore underwear like him and kept it dry." My little one looked at me and said "That's not cool mom, that's just boring."
And so I sit here racking my brain as to what to do next. How will I ever get this boy potty-trained? My one hope is that he'll cave before kindergarten.
No comments:
Post a Comment