Last month I wrote about wanting to change the way I looked at my responsibilities. To refocus and to attack everything I do with joy. To remind myself and focus on doing each task to the bring glory to God. So it's been about a month and you might be wondering how has this refreshed perspective changed things for me.
Well it's been amazing! The house is clean, the children and I are getting along great and I wake up and go to bed with a smile on my face. Nice picture, huh? If only it were true. The reality is I live in a house with two pre-pubescent tweens who are on emotional roller-coasters, a 9-yr old who constantly tries to push all my buttons, a 6-yr old who thinks she's 15, 4yr-old who hasn't quite adjusted to the fact he is not a baby anymore and a dog who has at least 3 different personalities all of which clash with mine. (I don't mention my husband because he's pretty even keeled and is rarely involved creating the drama of our home.) And unfortunately a change in my perspective does little to change the emotional reaction of the rest of the house. It also does not change the mundane chaos that occurs during our day or the tasks that must be accomplished. We went through e-days, PMS, a holiday, the dog tearing things up and pooping in the house plus many other activities drama and stress creating activities. I didn't become a fabulous housekeeper that sings while I scrub the toilet or dances in my heels while I mop the floor and I won't be nominated for any mother of the year awards, but.....
here's what has changed:
1. I tried to wake up each morning with a quick prayer - Dear God, Allow me to be your light and allow the Holy Spirit to lead me to bring you glory in all I do.
This is different than how I use to start the morning. Usually I jump out of bed with little thought to what attitude I have or how it will affect the day. If I did pray it was usually more like this, Please help me keep my yelling under control. Which usually resulted in a prayer by 8am that please help me to have a fresh start after my coffee.
If I didn't remember to pray first thing then as soon as I thought if it I would take a moment and ask that the rest of the day bring God glory.
Amazingly as I prayed I would often feel a sense of peace just knowing that I wasn't doing this alone.
2. You probably wouldn't know it but at home when it's just me and the kids, I'm a yeller. I'm not proud of it, I know as an adult I should and can control myself, and that it really accomplishes nothing but to teach my kids to be yellers. But even knowing all that I still find myself yelling when the pressures of the day begin to mount. It's not all the time or everyday, but it's more often than anyone should. What I found though was starting my day with a prayer and focusing on bringing God glory made me much more aware of how things came out of my mouth. I've always been careful with the words I use but not always with the way they are delivered which can be just as damaging. With this fresh look at things I didn't suddenly stop yelling but I do catch myself sooner and most times bring it to a stop.
3. Housekeeping. I haven't developed a sense of calling to be an excellent housekeeper, in fact I'm not sure anyone is called to be a toilet scrubber, but I am called to be a mother and a wife who has chosen to make my home my work. And therefore that requires that I keep the house in an order that gives my family a sense of peace, safety, and comfort. (recently I think if had this had been a paid job I might have been fired) So I now do the tedious and less than desirable tasks with a little less grumbling than before. I also try to remember that as much as I despise cleaning and laundry, I am blessed to have a house to clean, a kitchen to prepare food in, a pile of laundry to do and a family for which I can do those things.
4. My kids behavior will not change simply because I have a new outlook. But my reaction to their behavior has begun to change (it's a slow process). Instead of adding to the drama I am trying to understand how we got to this point and how do we get past it. It isn't an easy thing especially with multiple kids screaming and crying at me all at once. But it's worth doing. It's worth working to control myself to teach my children that it can be done and therefore they can learn it too. There all still many times when 5 kids end up in their rooms without a chance to explain or anyone investigating the reason behind conflict because there are still times when I've just had enough.
This is just the beginning!
I remember once when I had just had my fifth child, I was truly
living in the midst of sheer chaos with 5 kids 8 yrs and under, sitting at a women's breakfast
at church listening to a speaker who said "Ladies your attitude sets the tone
for your house each morning and praying to have a servant's heart will set the right tone." I wanted to jump up and scream at her "How
can you say that? - I am not the one who woke up screaming like a banshee today, or
broke-down in sobs because I didn't want pancakes for breakfast, or who
ran out the door in hysterics because I didn't want to wear a coat to
school." But now as I look back I realize she wasn't saying that my attitude would change the emotional ups and downs of daily life but that how I chose to start the day and focus my efforts affects how I handle those ups and downs. Maybe if I had listened to what she was truly trying to point out and prayed for a servant's heart then I would be in a different place today, but when you're the one drowning it's hard to see how you could save yourself.
So each morning I will continue to ask the Holy Spirit to help me to attack life with joy and to do my work to God's glory, to be his servant. My family may not see the changes yet and may never see them because they can be so small and gradual, but with any luck it will rub off on my children in the long run. As for the dog we may just have to get some Prozac.
